Sunday, June 10, 2007

Yes, My Lady: The Submissive Male: Interview with Client Tom

Client Tom has served many Professional Dominants during his tenure of 20 years as a client. He's been tied up, shoved down, whipped, caned, shaved, pierced, cross-dressed, pissed on, walked on, and made to crawl and kiss feet until his knees and tongue became sore and dry. During the following interview, Client Tom shares why he pays a Professional Dominant to do what She wants to do.

How did you get started hiring a Professional Dominant?

In my twenties, I started exploring what I wanted to do sexually. The thought of doing things that I didn't necessarily want to do for a beautiful, dominant woman ignited a passion in me beyond my control. However, I didn't feel in control of my sexuality. I set out to explore different SM events, fetish parties, and organizations. I even dated a number of dominant women. However, when I met my wife, we just connected in a way that I never have with another woman. I knew that she would be my life partner. So, I attempted to ignore my submissive side--but I couldn't for very long. I would sometimes dress in my wife's underclothing. Every time a dominant woman interacted with me, I would just melt at the knees. I walked around feeling as if I deserved to be punished. Finally, one day I picked up the local sex-industry magazine. I telephoned the first advertisement for BDSM that I saw.

Why won't your wife dominate you? Have you talked to her about it?

I tried to talk to her. Well, one time I told her that I wanted her spank me, but she acted as if I was just kidding and she laughed it off. I was too embarrassed to tell her otherwise. It took me a long time to finally ask her to do something to me, and it didn't go as I wanted. I was afraid of what she would think of me.

But isn't your wife with whom you should be sharing your vulnerable side?

When I married my wife, I knew that she wouldn't agree with my fantasies or desires. I married her for other reasons. I don't need to be sharing this side of me with her. Furthermore, my wife expects me to be "the man" in the relationship. What I mean by this is that she expects me to be in control. She wouldn't respect me if she knew I am submissive. It would make her feel too vulnerable, upset, you know.

Some of our readers may dislike that you don't share this intimate part of you with your life partner. Some may wonder how could you live with yourself not being who you "really" are with your wife. What is your response?

Well, sometimes I do feel bad, guilty, you know. But the truth is that being submissive is more than just a fix that I can just do and get over. Submission is something that I need. I tried for years to deny my feelings and desires. I notice that I'm actually a happier, better person since I've been serving Pro-Dommes. I'm a better husband: I am centered and fulfilling my needs helps me fulfill my wife's needs.

Why go to a Pro-Domme? Why not submit to a lifestyle dominant woman, like a member of an SM organization?

Oh, my. [laughs] The thought of maintaining a relationship with another woman behind my wife's back just brings the ulcer on! I strictly desire to submit, to do SM, and then move on. I don't want to be in relationship with another woman. I don't want or need to be submissive all the time. With the Professional Dominant, I can tell Her exactly what I want and do not want, and have my needs met. I pay for a service, for a certain amount of time with a beautiful, dominant woman, in a contained environment. We leave what I do in that room.

A change in subject here, in reference to My column from July 28, 2000 "Potency & Allure of the Femme", what attracts you to the Femme Domme?

Well, at a basic level, I get to be in the presence of a woman in make-up, high heels, and tight fitting clothing, paying attention strictly to me. And I am an over-weight, balding, middle-aged man, and I don't get attention from beautiful women...well, from any women much anymore. I find the Femme extremely powerful, stimulating, sexy, hot. I want her to tell me what to dominate me. I find that the Femme Domme is able to do deep psychological domination, she is sophisticated and knowledgeable about human behavior, interpersonal relations, and erotic power dynamics.

Do you wish you could be like the Femme?

Sometimes I fantasize about dressing up in women's clothing, having my Mistress force me to do it. I like Her subtle and commanding power. The Femme Domme makes you want to please Her. So, yes, sometimes I am envious of the Femme. She gets to feel sexy and her femininity. Men don't often have a chance to feel their feminine side. Men who are submissive seek Pro-Domme services because we already know something about what brings us to our knees for the Femme-Domme, and about the grace and joy and great relief we can experience in Her company; when we visit we are scared, eager, hopeful, and thrilled, and we regard it as great good fortune that we are able to spend time with Her.

You know whom you represent. Look at what you call yourselves: Lady, Mistress, Goddess, Madame, Queen of All the Heavens, it is you we've come to be with, it's your presence and attention we entreat. We revel in your power. I have continued to go back to Pro-Dommes for over twenty years because I love seeing what you all can do with your power.

I want to thank Client Tom for answering My questions and responding so vibrantly to My inquiry. I finally want to thank My readers who encourage such a dialogue and desire to learn more about Professional BDSM.

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