Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Yes, My Lady: Protocol for Contacting the Professional Dominant

As a Professional Dominatrix, I speak to over 300 clients (predominantly men) a month. Every one searching for that specific power interplay that resonates within his/her sexuality. I, and My professional sisters, turn away scores of these yearning submissives each day because they misunderstand the very basic concepts of telephone etiquette and session protocol. In light of this, I thought it best to put pen to paper and outline general Dos-and-Don'ts for contacting a Professional Dominant. What makes a client a good one? The first contact sets the foundation for the professional relationship. Professional Dominants as sex workers do not have the luxury of a union, industry standards, legal protection, or a reference guide for clients on proper procedure and behavior. What follows is both for the uncertain novice and the unsuccessful seasoned player who desire to have their play with a Professional Dominatrix be as successful and satisfying as possible.

Study the Dominant's advertisement. Check out if She mentions specialties and if they are compatible with your interests. Vocabulary that the ad might include:

Lifestyle: She plays in Her personal life

D/S: dominance/submission

Fetish: plays with objects of desire

S/M: sadomasochism (pain play)

TT: tit torture (NT: nipple torture)

CBT: cock & ball torture

X D: crossdressing

GS: golden showers

If you don't understand something, ask.

Be clear about why you are calling. Generally, it should be to receive information or to schedule a session. Know what questions are important to have answered. When you telephone, do be extremely polite. This is especially important, as you don't want to offend a person who you are later going to trust with your well being. Moreover, good manners make a slave much more appealing for the Mistress. Do not call for free telephone sex. This may be terribly tantalizing for you, but recognize that Professional Dominas are just that, professional, so respect their time and energy. Furthermore, most professionals can tell (by your breathing and the types of questions you are asking) what you are doing on your end, and with the commonality of Caller ID and *69, it is just not a smart thing to be doing. Secondly, do not expect Her to be in role during your initial communication. This is a time to negotiate about what you will do in the future. Consensual SM means that you talk about your common interests and limits before you ever get to the playroom.

Follow the Domina's lead. She has a lot more experience negotiating on the telephone and will generally lead you through a set of questions and give you a specific set of information. Respect Her routine. Furthermore, do answer Her questions to the best of your ability. She may ask questions that might not seem relevant to you. For instance, She may ask about which Professional Dominants you have seen in the past (this will tell the worldly Dominant about the types of Mistresses you gravitate toward). Don't see this as an invasion of privacy but rather as a way for Her to understand you better. The better She understands you, the finer quality of session you will have. Next, ask questions that are relevant to your meeting. Questions might include: how She likes to addressed, how experienced She is, what Her specialties are, what types of equipment She has, if She is independent or part of an established dungeon, in what vicinity She is located (generally Dominants will not give their exact address the first call), how long She likes Her sessions to last, and what is Her donation.

Respect boundaries. Yes, Tops have limits too. Professional Dominants have their own rules and limits, and most will tell you up front what is the deal. These limits might include no direct sexual contact, no water sports, no nudity, no anal play, and/or no body worship. Don't try to push those limits or test them. Don't agree to one thing and think in the back of your mind you're going get something else. That's not the way it works.

Next, don't be cheap. If the Dominant names a price, consider it printed on a Tiffany's price tag. The worse thing you could do is attempt to talk down the price. It's really rude and makes Me dislike a client. This is not a swap meet. Furthermore, it is generally distasteful to call with less than two hours notice of the time you want to make an appointment. Professional Domination is not McDomme: we do not sit around, all dressed up, waiting for clients to telephone. Most independent professionals take advance appointments only.

Communicate. You have plenty of time to be the shy, silent type with your wife, girlfriend, or boyfriend. When you are with a Professional Dominant, step up to the plate. Do communicate openly and honestly about your desires. This shadowland of sexuality is one of the few places where you might have the chance to play out some of your complex and sacred fantasies. Keep in mind that the clearer a picture you can give a Dominant about who you are, the better chance you have of finding a perfect fit. Furthermore, make known any physical or emotional limitations you might have. Contacts, hemorrhoids, bad back, bad knees, asthma, epilepsy, heart conditions, recent injuries or illnesses are all things She needs to know. Finally, negotiate the use of a safeword. A safeword is sometimes your only responsibility in a scene. Use it to communicate when you have reached a limit.

Lastly, write down the directions to the play-space. It is also a good idea to repeat them back to Her. She does not want to have you knocking on the neighbor's doors by mistake.

There you have it-consider it a client's etiquette guide to contacting a Mistress. Next time you desire to submit to a Professional Domina, make Miss Manners, Martha Stewart, and Me proud. Be sure to check out next column, as I will outline the protocol for a successful session with a Mistress.

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