Thursday, March 15, 2007


Assuming you have submissive fantasies, you could realize a part of it by doing things your partner would appreciate, like getting his/her coffee, take out the garbage, or other things you know your partner dislikes to do himself/herself. Please notice this: most women don't want their partner to interfere with the housekeeping without asking. It might be better to deliberate first. This might make both of you feel good, maybe even good enough to grow into D/s.

It is a way to stay close to your own feelings as well as those of your partner. From that point you can build together. Remember that submissiveness is mostly between your ears, it's what you make of it, the way you feel about it, and not always the things you do. Getting coffee can feel special to you, while your partner just thinks about coffee, but hey, if it makes you feel good, who cares?

It's not that easy to start simple when you're a masochist, for slight pain may not satisfy you. You could propose to your partner

to squeeze your nipples while having sex or to work your back with his/her nails. Perhaps there are some more possibilities that don?t scare your partner off immediately.

It?s important you take off slowly, remember you?re having your fantasies for quit some time, where your partner is only starting to learn how to walk along the road. Finding out the possibilities you have together to realize (some of) your feelings, makes it a trip for two. Kick off immediately and you will leave your partner far behind, even if they want to walk together, going that fast will make it impossible.

Having dominant fantasies will give you more trouble to realize them. Especially when you?re thinking about mental domination, you?ll be on walking on thin ice. You have to make clear that you still respect your partner and his/her feelings, even though you want to humiliate him/her. Only few people admire the status of a doormat, so be careful on this.

Putting your partner in a submissive role might bring up negative feelings; humiliation, pain, obedience, powerlessness are all loaded terms that won?t take you where you want to go. You might make a start by taking his/her wrists during sex; restricting your partner in a way you can easily go back on when needed.

You can play with your partner; turn him/her on and on but stopping just before he/she reaches an orgasm; to go on with something completely different, which he/she doesn?t expect. You can add some other elements, like squeezing nipples, working with your nails, teasing and so on.

Playing games like this you get accustomed to your partner and his/her reactions and responses. You will learn to read his/her body language. Give your partner a full body massage; you?ll be amazed by the result.

It may seem as though those things have nothing to do with BDSM. The point is that you?ll find another way to deal with your partner and your relationship, which you wouldn?t have thought about before. You?ll be more aware of each other, each other?s feelings and needs, it will make a difference to your relationship, and you?ll both grow. It will get you closer to each other; make trust and respect sensibly better. And that will take obstacles away.

Experiments like these might open your partner?s mind for a good conversation about BDSM and the way you feel about it. When you feel no resistance during the experiments, no panic, you could refer to that during your conversation, by telling him/her that playing games like that means a lot to you.

No matter how you bring the message, most important is to keep in mind that you are already halfway down the road you want to walk together. Walking that road together, discovering the wonderful world that?s called BDSM, means you?ll have to give your partner the space and opportunity to discover it at his/her own pace; finding out what it can do for the both of you and your relationship. You live long enough to spend some months together on this. Your patience will be paid back when you give your partner the opportunity to accept his/her feelings about BDSM.

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