Sunday, March 18, 2007

Yes, My Lady: Crossing the Perineum

While most of America was watching the Special Victims Unit of Law Order on Friday evening, I was watching my dear friend Wendy open her anus to accept Carol Queen's fist. I spent Friday evening at QSM ( for an Anal Fisting Workshop presented by none other than butt-enthusiasts Carol Queen and her partner Robert Morgan. If you haven't had the honor to meet Dr. Queen ( through her writings or performances, here are the basics: She is Director of Continuing Education at Good Vibrations, the feminist, worker-owned sex store. She holds a Doctorate in Sexology and serves on the Board of Advisors at San Francisco Sex Information, a telephone sex information hot line. Her writings include: Exhibitionism for the Shy, Real Live Nude Girl, The Leather Daddy and the Femme; co-editing Switch Hitters, Sex Spoken Here, and an essay collection PoMoSexuals; and in anthologies Herotica, Best American Erotica, and many more. In addition to these publications, she writes regularly for Spectator Magazine ( and the East Bay Express, and is a contributing editor of the wonderful erotic magazine Libido. If your fetish is anal play, especially anal fisting, then you best come to know Dr. Queen.

Dr. Queen and Dr. Morgan are the anus of anal expertise. As Sex Educators, they have been presenting the Anal Fisting and other Anal Play workshops for years. Based on personal experience, sex education, and accurate medical knowledge, Carol and Robert on Friday shared information on the anatomy of the anus and digestive system, enemas, anal fisting preparation, and safer sex supplies for anal fisting. In the second half of the workshop, Carol performed her magic by slowly and lovingly diving her small left hand into my friend's anus.

What do you need to know in order to practice this type of intimate and vulnerable play? While I cover the basics in anal fisting, I suggest readers refer to the following literature for more comprehensive cover: Anal Pleasure Health, by J. Morin; The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women, by T. Taormino; and Trust/The Hand Book: A Guide to the Sensual and Spiritual Art of Handballing, by B. Herrman.

Anal fisting requires special preparation by both partners. The fistee prepares by cleaning out the lower intestine with an enema, often the day, or at least two hours before the "fisting session." The fister removes any rings and examines the fisting hand for cuts or hangnails. The fister should slip on a latex or surgical glove for safer sex protection.

The Top generously lubricates Her/His hand and arm and the bottom's anus with lubricant, such as vegetable shortening, water-based or oil-based lube. Lube can be entered directly into the fistee's anus with a vaginal applicator, such as those used for vaginal crème to cure yeast infections. Pour the lube directly into the applicator, and then gently push the applicator and the lube into the fistee's anus.

One by one, the fister inserts each finger with the instruction of the bottom. The hand is pushed in fingers first with the tips together in a closed ring fashion. The Top should not insert Her/His fingers until the anal muscles of the bottom seem relaxed. Furthermore, and most importantly, the bottom is always in control. It is the fistee who will determine when s/he is ready to receive more fingers, and finally, the fist. A fisting session should take time (sometimes several hours), gentleness, and trust.

Anal fisting is a very intimate activity that facilitates a tremendous level of trust and bonding between partners. The awareness, gentleness, and trust recommended for all anal exploration are doubly important for safe experimentation with fisting. Relatively few people appear to be able to relax sufficiently to accommodate something as large as an entire hand. For those who can, they often report deeply satisfying sensations of fullness and pressure and describe it as the ultimate experience of receptivity (Jack Morin, Anal Pleasure Health). The turn-on for the Top is usually power and pleasure, with intrigue and excitement by the sensation of exploring deep inside their partner's body.

What you do not want to play with is pain. As a Sadist, I usually would not make such a comment. However, when it comes to anal fisting, there is something wrong if you experience pain. Many experimenters with fisting have not developed the self-awareness necessary for doing it safely. Instead, they rely on drugs, such as poppers, and often use force, sometimes tolerating considerable pain. These problems are intensified when fisting is employed as part of SM play. When this happens, the rough movements that may enhance SM play can increase the risk of physical damage. I need not say that physical damage of the colon or anal canal is not something you want to experience. You will know if you have damage by illness or blood in your stool, if you experience either after or within 48-hours of a fisting session, then go to the nearest hospital immediately.

This was only Wendy's second time accepting a hand into her anus: the first time was with Carol Queen at an Anal Fisting Workshop for the Exiles: a Woman-to-Woman SM Organization in San Francisco. Carol began the fisting session by massaging Wendy's anus and working lube up her. Asking Wendy to barrel down her abdominal muscles, Wendy accepted Carol's finger when she released her muscles. Gently messaging Wendy's anus with large amounts of lube, Carol began to slide two more fingers into Wendy. They were in full communication the whole time: Wendy directing Carol openly and honestly. Carol's every move was slow and purposeful. The trust between these two women was evident in their constant eye contact and verbal connection. Eventually, with deep breathing and strong Kegel-like contractions, Wendy opened herself up to Carol's small hand. There, Carol remained still and silent.

Honor the person with whom you share anal fisting. Honor the vulnerability and intimacy. Bask in the amazement of being inside of someone so full and tender. Anal fisting is an act of love.

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