Saturday, March 17, 2007

Yes, My Lady: Poundcake

Like so many not-so-submissive bottoms before him, he seemed to tell the story to get a rise out of me. I was used to this game, more of a power struggle than an exchange. However, I wasn't prepared for the topic he dealt this time.

He began with an utterance, "You know, when boys were considered to be coming-of-age, becoming men, around age fourteen in Ancient Greece, or was it Ancient Rome? Anyway, they used to chop off a woman's breasts as a gift to the boy. They would transform her chopped off breasts into a cake-of-sorts. It was called poundcake."

"Lovely," I muttered to myself.

What in the hell did the women have to say about all of this chopping? So little history covers what women wanted, did, or thought, especially about their breasts. Even today, how we see women's breasts is dominated by sexist cultural norms. Little discussion exists of women's breasts as a site of women's erotic pleasure or displeasure.

My reaction to this poundcake topic, "Well, Amazons used to chop off one of their breasts so that they could shoot bow-and-arrow better in order to kill men who would trespass on their land."

Women's breasts are eroticized, objectified, politicized, adored, and hated. Emotions and reactions toward women's breasts range from fear and abjection to obsession and love. I have experienced a wide range of reactions toward My large breasts. I attended a women's college and My best friend feared My breast. She wouldn't hug Me because she hated feeling My large breasts against her body. She explained that she felt suffocated by them. My huge breasts have also been a magnet that attracts the male gaze -- the larger the breasts, the more admiration and annoyance of men. When My breasts do attract the female gaze, it usually is a gaze of disgust, fear, or bewilderment.

What has been Mistress's reaction to all of this attention? Like many women and like many women's breasts, My reaction ranges. I hate when people fear Me because of My breasts. I also dislike when people, mostly men, objectify Me because of My breasts. I would be lying if I said all of this cultural baggage did not affect My own view of My breasts and My pleasure in My breasts.

When do I enjoy My breasts? Hardly ever. When do I enjoy other women's breasts? Most of the time. I know many women who adore their titties and desire a range of breast stimulation. So much about breasts and what the SM world calls "breast play" is left unsaid. That is why it is vital to cultivate excellent communication skills about breasts if you plan to engage in breast play.

How we feel about our breasts as objects of erotic attention is extremely personal, circumstantial, and temperamental. You should not predict breast play preferences by breast size or gender. Most people are very particular about the kind of attention their breasts receive, even if they don't express preference. The most important thing you can do before making assumptions about or touching your lover's breasts is question her on how she feels about her breasts. Furthermore, ask your lover to show you how she enjoys having her breasts stimulated.

For your own breasts, take time to figure out how you feel about them. Breast play isn't only for partner sex. Play with your own breasts. Stimulate them during masturbation: caress, squeeze, knead, slap, twist, pull, pinch, torture, and/or use clamps or other toys on them. If you breasts are large and flexible enough, pull them up to your mouth and such on your own nipples while you stimulate your clit or cock. Also, get to know how your breasts change over your menstrual cycle, if you have one. Breast sensivity changes from day-to-day. My own breasts are controlled by My menstrual cycle. During My period, My breasts swell to their fullest and are extremely painful and heavy: My breasts gain about 5 pounds of water the day before My period is due because of water retention. The changes over a menstrual cycle affect how and when a woman will want breast stimulation. The more you know about your own body and reaction to sexual stimulation, the better lover you will be -- the better you will be able to guide your lover toward your own sexual fulfillment.

When you know what you want when you want it, show your partner exactly what you like on that given day. Allow the exhibitionist in you run a gambit. Play with your breasts as you would have your partner touch you. Take your lover's hand in yours and show her/him what you want and how and when you want it. There are times, usually after My period, when I like rough play with My whole breasts and nipples. I want My breasts to be slapped, sucked, licked, and beaten with a plastic whip exactly under My nipple where My breasts are heaviest. Sometimes, I can reach orgasm from prolonged nipple stimulation alone, usually slow, deep sucking.

As much as I have come to enjoy breast stimulation over time, there was a time when I wished that I could have skipped breast play entirely. Like many survivors of sexual abuse, I didn't enjoy breast stimulation at one time. However, due to fear and low self-esteem, I couldn't communicate this to My lovers. Like many women, I learned to see My breasts not for My enjoyment, but rather something to attract men and for their pleasure. I never said no to breast stimulation because I thought that stance would be unacceptable or uncomfortable. For years, I would cringe when My lovers would go for My breasts before stimulating the rest of My body. If any of this sounds familiar to you, please embrace your right to dislike your breasts and any attention to them. What SM play has taught Me is My right to eroticize other body parts and to fetishize objects and My right to ignore others.

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